In this post series you’ll discover a true-to-life dialogue showing how questions asked, rather than statements made, win arguments. It’s what argument pros call slow squeezing.

You won’t help shoots grow by pulling them higher.
-Chinese Proverb

This post isn’t about China. It’s about what happened to us in the former Yugoslavia. Bev and I arrived in Zagreb, in the former Yugoslavia, on a Saturday night in November. In our room at the InterContinental Hotel was a brochure extolling the beauty of Plitvice Lakes-16 small lakes con­nected by waterfalls, in a beautiful mountain setting.

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Call upon words and phrases to zoom your argument from flabby and ho-hum dull to captivating and compelling.

In this post series you’ll discover how the pros present things not as they are, but as they want them to be perceived.

It’s Power-Upper Time

Because you want to ” caffeinate” your argument

You’ll need a basic black dress that will always get you out of a what-to-wear jam. Jazz it up with a glittery necklace, glitzy shoes, and a gold belt, and you’re off and ready for the party.

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In this chapter you’ll discover eight business-as-usual argument moves. But how they play out may not be to your liking.

The Green Machine was a team of 7-year-old AYSO soccer play­ers. My daughter Melissa was a Green Machine player. The Titans were their rivals.

Todd was a Titan. During one very close game, Todd’s father ran up and down the sidelines screaming, “Todd, you’re not hustling!” “Run! Run!! Run!!!” “Todd, keep your eye on the ball!” I felt embarrassed for Todd. But what should or could I do?

Finally, my neighbor John cupped his hands and shouted across the playing field, “If you want Todd to be a champion, you’ll have to yell a lot louder than that!”
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In this post series you’ll discover how to make things sound right with drop-’em-in-their-tracks content creation tactics.

“Logic is in the eye of the logician.” -Gloria Steinem

When the guys on the Wilson High quad weren’t talking about girls, we were exploring the magic and mystery of logic. Can you find faulty logic in this classic story that has baffled me since 9th grade? Our math teacher, Mr. Huffman, had an explanation that still rings true: logic is both magical and mysterious.

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It was a dark and stormy night. Seeking refuge from a worsening storm, three men-strangers to each other-race into a small hotel at the same time.

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1. There’s Credibility in Being Precise

Here’s how I coached Jake, my plumber: Make a $296.75 bid and it sounds well thought out. Deliberated. But if you bid $300, it will sound “pulled out of a hat.” Cavalier. An invitation to your customer to haggle.

“Ivory soap is 99-44/100% pure.” Would Ivory soap’s purity be just as credible if it proclaimed, “Ivory soap is very, very pure”?

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Meet Lisa, One of Our Staffers
Because if you can’ t get her interested, you’re going nowhere

Lisa, a member of our law office staff, is bright and well-informed. She clearly understands the health risks of smoking. Unfortunately, she has a “belief” of her own: life is to be enjoyed and no one lives forever. If she didn’t smoke, she would be a nervous wreck. She would gain weight. Smoking is bad for you, but then so are a million other things.

Who attends pro-life rallies? The answer is pro-life advocates. Who listens to pro-choice speeches? Pro-choice advocates. Who turns out to hear Republicans? Republicans turn out to hear Republicans. Democrats do the same for their candidates. Who really reads advertisements? The answer: people who have already bought the truck, or diet program, or personal computer being pitched.

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In this post you’ll discover things feel right when one finds comfort and credibility in what you say and do- when there’s trust that you’re not just “selling a bill of goods.”

Take a Cue from Barbra Streisand
Because she knows the magic of “hi-touch”

Pop diva Barbra Streisand had been unable to sing in public for years after forgetting her lines during one anxiety-filled performance. She was now back on stage at the Anaheim Pond.

Suspended from the ceiling a few rows in front of the stage were two mega TV monitors. Only Barbra and those of us lucky enough to be seated close to the stage were able to see the screens. What were they showing? The words to Barbra’s songs, yes-but also cues to chitchat and share personal anecdotes and recollections throughout the evening.

Stop and think about those concerts you best recall and really loved. I’ll bet they had a human force. A heart-driven connection with the audience. A “hi-touch.” A touch that wasn’t available on a CD. Barbra’s notes to herself were reminders to occasionally stop singing and just be Barbra. To personalize her performance by reaching out and touching her audience.

Great entertainers know that their words impact an audience’s intel­lect. But it’s their touch that captures an audience’s emotions. Your touch reflects the organic and spiritual force that makes you uniquely you. Your touch is reflected in your demeanor, energy, tone of voice, rate of speech, and gestures. Good or bad, your touch reflects what you as a person are all about.

Whether you’re a singer or an argument pro, more than anything else, the magic of winning flows from your touch. Flows from how you are. Flows from how you connect.

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To avoid mouth-to-mouth combat, loop the other person into your game. Try saying:

may be right in what you are saying.” This “may be” statement is non-threatening and won’t prompt any new outbursts.

are probably right.” If you are reasonably sure the other person’s statement is correct, then let him know.

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Tulane Law School’s dean confided to me:

The trouble with young professionals, particularly newly minted lawyers and MBAs from top schools, is that they are often as smug as they are bright. They talk down to other people as if they had the seasoning that only comes from years of hands-on experience.

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“You’re unfair.” “You’re not reasonable.” A doom-and-gloom style is discomforting. A turnoff. Remember the empowering secrets of a still cen­ter and manage the curves and glitches with grace.

Zone Alert #2: Don’ t look back.

People look back only to criticize. Your argument goal is an agreement, not an admission or apology. Zero your argument in on how something is to be done rather than on why it wasn’t done that way before. Suggesting possible solutions is an issue-management technique that moves the focus of an argument from having to justify your complaint to your proposed remedy.

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