Link Inside the Consent Zone, Because people buy into trust first, ideas second
Arguments presented logically won’t move someone emotionally. It’s not enough that what you say sounds right. It must also feel right to the other person. Feeling right is about how you are rather than how things are.
In this post you’ll discover things feel right when one finds comfort and credibility in what you say and do- when there’s trust that you’re not just “selling a bill of goods.”
Take a Cue from Barbra Streisand
Because she knows the magic of “hi-touch”
Pop diva Barbra Streisand had been unable to sing in public for years after forgetting her lines during one anxiety-filled performance. She was now back on stage at the Anaheim Pond.
Suspended from the ceiling a few rows in front of the stage were two mega TV monitors. Only Barbra and those of us lucky enough to be seated close to the stage were able to see the screens. What were they showing? The words to Barbra’s songs, yes-but also cues to chitchat and share personal anecdotes and recollections throughout the evening.
Stop and think about those concerts you best recall and really loved. I’ll bet they had a human force. A heart-driven connection with the audience. A “hi-touch.” A touch that wasn’t available on a CD. Barbra’s notes to herself were reminders to occasionally stop singing and just be Barbra. To personalize her performance by reaching out and touching her audience.
Great entertainers know that their words impact an audience’s intellect. But it’s their touch that captures an audience’s emotions. Your touch reflects the organic and spiritual force that makes you uniquely you. Your touch is reflected in your demeanor, energy, tone of voice, rate of speech, and gestures. Good or bad, your touch reflects what you as a person are all about.
Whether you’re a singer or an argument pro, more than anything else, the magic of winning flows from your touch. Flows from how you are. Flows from how you connect.
Finesse Hostility, Because it’s just like driving your car
When driving a car, you can’t go from “R” to “D” without going through “N.” Here’s how to shift a dialogue from “Reverse” to “Neutral” so you can “Drive” your argument home.
To avoid mouth-to-mouth combat, loop the other person into your game. Try saying:
may be right in what you are saying.” This “may be” statement is non-threatening and won’t prompt any new outbursts.
are probably right.” If you are reasonably sure the other person’s statement is correct, then let him know.
Cool It, Because ” know-it- alls” don’t win arguments
If God hadn’t made me so beautiful, I’d be a teacher. -Supermodel Linda Evangelista
Tulane Law School’s dean confided to me:
The trouble with young professionals, particularly newly minted lawyers and MBAs from top schools, is that they are often as smug as they are bright. They talk down to other people as if they had the seasoning that only comes from years of hands-on experience.
Consent Zone Alert, Because there are 6 common mistakes
Zone Alert #1: Don’ t complain or sulk.
“You’re unfair.” “You’re not reasonable.” A doom-and-gloom style is discomforting. A turnoff. Remember the empowering secrets of a still center and manage the curves and glitches with grace.
Zone Alert #2: Don’ t look back.
People look back only to criticize. Your argument goal is an agreement, not an admission or apology. Zero your argument in on how something is to be done rather than on why it wasn’t done that way before. Suggesting possible solutions is an issue-management technique that moves the focus of an argument from having to justify your complaint to your proposed remedy.
Be a Thermostat, Not a Thermometer
Because you want to set the climate to ” win”
Television history is dotted with long-running series that were not critically acclaimed. These shows, however, provided viewers with a star that audiences wanted in their homes for a long time and with whom they felt “really comfortable,” commented the president of CBS Entertainment.
The cosmetic area of a department store can be intimidating and overwhelming. Estée Lauder “Beauty Advisors” are taught to turn browsers into buyers by quickly constructing a Consent Zone. They are coached to start with an icebreaker, such as “I just love what you’re wearing,” instead of the usual “May I help you?”
Construct a Consent Zone
Because people in the zone are less resistant and more receptive to you and your ideas
The Consent Zone is where you’ll set the tone and mood for a no-blows argument. It’s a virtual finessing place where you’ll be able to elicit change without eliciting defensiveness. Where you’ll hit the ground walking. Where you’ll manage the other person’s emotions, not avoid them.
In this post series you’ll discover how to construct a Consent Zone.
Take a Lesson From a Wise King
Because there’s much to be learned from a mango tree
Once upon a time in a faraway land, a wise king wanted to teach his four sons a valuable life lesson. One winter, he dispatched his oldest son to see a mango grove. As winter turned to spring, his second oldest son made the journey. The third son traveled to see the trees that summer. And in the fall, it was the youngest son’s turn.
Upon the youngest boy’s return, the king summoned his four sons and asked each what he had seen.
7 Ways a Still Center Keeps You From Getting in Your Own Way
Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing the self is enlightenment.
-The Tao Te Ching
1. You Get in Your Own Way When You’re Acting Under the Influence
Did your old grey suit (the one whose trousers have a shiny seat) suddenly become an almost-new designer model when you made a lost luggage claim at the airport? Did your tax return overvalue the long-obsolete stereo and computer equipment that you donated to Goodwill? Do you skate on moral thin ice by saying, “But everyone does it”?
Gain Absolute and Total Self-Control
Gain Absolute and Total Self-Control
Because winning begins by controlling how you will be
What separates the amateurs from the pros is self-mastery. How you walk the valleys. How you maneuver the turns. How you’re able to get out of your own way.
In this post you’ll discover the empowering secret of a still center.
Meet David
Because he knows the secrets of the Ancient Masters
Mastering others requires force. Mastering the self needs strength.
-The Tao Te Ching
